Late night comedy

Ive been watching more than I want to. Which means, more pain caused insomnia! Of course. Getting more blood drawn, and if it's normal, then I'll get an MRI of some muscles to see inflammation, so we can find a good place for a muscle biopsy. Not endocrine. My doctor actually thanked me when I told him the psychiatrist said it wasn't psychiatric. So, sounds like we may be onto something!

Update after endocrinologist

I saw my endo last Friday, and they screened me for Cushing's by having me do a 24 hour urine test. It just so happened my brother was at a science Olympiad competition the next day, so it was just me all day. So I laid around the house, and collected my pee in a jug. Lovely. I didn't want to go because it would be a long day and I wouldn't like seeing former teammates compete, me not being able to be there because of this demon that lives inside of me. The demon that is the undiagnosed condition.

So, I'm flaring this week. Printed off countdown banners last Sunday for the tax office I help my dad at on Sundays, and all of that (an atypical amount of work. Usually it's just answer phones and do homework for 5 hours) I think did it. So I'll just chill here and watch South Park. I love that show. Kyle just punched Cartman's arm and he ran off screaming. That reminds me of when people poke my arm.

At least spring break is next week. I asked my mom if we could go down to Florida, get wasted, then arrested and her response was "you don't have enough energy". Typical response. In case the simple sentince structure is misleading you, I'm on Skelaxin.

Response to Feisty Kitten

This is in response to Feisty Kitten.

I get the "blood is thicker than water" thing. Although what my aunt did to me a few years ago was not on the same planet as almost killing my mom, it is still traumatizing to me.

A few years ago, I got very sick. 2 weeks of a 104 degree fever, followed by two weeks of vomiting my guts out. During the fevers, my aunt would call my mom and tell her to send me to school, that I was exaggerating and faking. One- how the hell do you fake a 104 degree fever and two- they won't let you to school with a fever. We tried to explain two to her, but she couldn't get it through her thick head. Then, in the second week of vomiting, she called and talked to ME. She asked me how I felt, and my response was "pretty crappy". This sent her on a tirade of "you will die if you think like that". To this day, every time somebody asks how I feel, that scenario runs through my head, and it makes me say "fine" or "good" every time. Even with non-judgmental people. My parents get an honest answer. Nobody else does. I think I can forgive her for what she did, but she has harassed me off of facebook, which was my decision. I unfriended and blocked her like my dad said when she began harassing my parents and telling them that they were teaching me to run away when times get tough (they taught me not to take shit from others). Now, I have loads of relatives I cannot contact. Friends I can't contact. All because she couldn't stop harassing me. And she guilted my grandmother into taking responsibility for her actions. She clearly sees no boundaries. My dad and his brother think before speaking. My dads sister and brother speak, then might think. With the aunt in question, I dont think she ever thinks. Since I got sick, FB has been my social lifeline. Now I have to recede into my own type of hiding. I saw her last Sunday. I would not hug her. I would not talk to her. I just glared. I might be able to forgive. It's going to be on my own schedule, though. Yes she is family. I'm not taking this from anybody though. She has never had the courage to apologize to my face for all she has done. She just keeps doing it. Hopefully by Easter things will calm down. I'm not doing this anymore just because she is family.

New life- mini update

So I see an endocrinologist at the end of the month. I also see my PCP tomorrow to see if he can adjust my pain meds. I am having issues typing and I think my neurontin is becoming less effective.

Break

Since we are on break this week and I don't have enough ways to waste my time stuff to do, I will be coding a layout for this blog (nudges at centered blog title). Be warned: let me know about broken links, messed up looking stuff, if your computer bursts into flames while trying to open it, stuff like that. My coding skills are amazing horrible, and this is my first time doing a layout using CSS almost exclusively, with little HTML. Also, I am not responsible if your computer bursts into flames when opening my blog, wince there was probably an issue with your computer. Lol!

What you are saying is reasonable

My valentines day was actually quite nice. I saw a new rheumatologist. He came highly recommended and I can tell why! He listened to my ENTIRE medical history! By the time I get to the severity of pain I usually get "psych case. Go see a psychiatrist." (which I've done by the way) but he said something to me after I got through my entire history that nobody, even the best doctors I've seen, have said. He looked me straight in the eye and said "what you are saying is perfectly reasonable". When doing the physical exam, he took one look at the big, purple stretch marks on my arms and abdomen and told me that was abnormal and that we need to see an endocrinologist. We've mentioned this to doctors before, and me being overweight they assume it is from that. I've had these all my life. I haven't been overweight all my life. We are waiting for the endocrinologist to call back, but I feel so good now!

My personal suspicion is Cushing's. it makes sense. So happy!

Just a few more days!

I have just a few more days until I am going to see my new rheumatologist! I'm so excited, and really just want to go to try and figure out what's wrong with me!

I don't know how many people reading this have ever read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I was reading it for English class the other day (If you have never seen thick language since your high school English class, this essay would not be for you. I had to read it twice to get all of the answers to the companion worksheet) and I really found that it sort of has parts that capture spoonie life, as well as my life. He says that it is not bad to be misunderstood, as a all great and pure minds are. I think all of us undiagnosed find that we are very misunderstood. I am misunderstood in my pain. I have found many doctors who misunderstand me. The brain fog make people misunderstand me (my English teacher asked me where we left off in the movie we were watching with the sub, and my response was "where the guy with the beard's wife got arrested", so the brain fog isn't that fun.) and totally take stuff I say out of context. Parts of that essay would make you think that Emerson was in our minds the whole time.

Anyway, off to do some homework. Mini flare up today, but I have to get something done!