Break

Since we are on break this week and I don't have enough ways to waste my time stuff to do, I will be coding a layout for this blog (nudges at centered blog title). Be warned: let me know about broken links, messed up looking stuff, if your computer bursts into flames while trying to open it, stuff like that. My coding skills are amazing horrible, and this is my first time doing a layout using CSS almost exclusively, with little HTML. Also, I am not responsible if your computer bursts into flames when opening my blog, wince there was probably an issue with your computer. Lol!

What you are saying is reasonable

My valentines day was actually quite nice. I saw a new rheumatologist. He came highly recommended and I can tell why! He listened to my ENTIRE medical history! By the time I get to the severity of pain I usually get "psych case. Go see a psychiatrist." (which I've done by the way) but he said something to me after I got through my entire history that nobody, even the best doctors I've seen, have said. He looked me straight in the eye and said "what you are saying is perfectly reasonable". When doing the physical exam, he took one look at the big, purple stretch marks on my arms and abdomen and told me that was abnormal and that we need to see an endocrinologist. We've mentioned this to doctors before, and me being overweight they assume it is from that. I've had these all my life. I haven't been overweight all my life. We are waiting for the endocrinologist to call back, but I feel so good now!

My personal suspicion is Cushing's. it makes sense. So happy!

Just a few more days!

I have just a few more days until I am going to see my new rheumatologist! I'm so excited, and really just want to go to try and figure out what's wrong with me!

I don't know how many people reading this have ever read Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson, but I was reading it for English class the other day (If you have never seen thick language since your high school English class, this essay would not be for you. I had to read it twice to get all of the answers to the companion worksheet) and I really found that it sort of has parts that capture spoonie life, as well as my life. He says that it is not bad to be misunderstood, as a all great and pure minds are. I think all of us undiagnosed find that we are very misunderstood. I am misunderstood in my pain. I have found many doctors who misunderstand me. The brain fog make people misunderstand me (my English teacher asked me where we left off in the movie we were watching with the sub, and my response was "where the guy with the beard's wife got arrested", so the brain fog isn't that fun.) and totally take stuff I say out of context. Parts of that essay would make you think that Emerson was in our minds the whole time.

Anyway, off to do some homework. Mini flare up today, but I have to get something done!

It happened

This morning, I noticed the first tell-tale sign of lupus. I think I have the butterfly rash. It's bittersweet. On one hand, I may FINALLY have the answer. On the other, I would have lupus. I guess it isn't the worst think you could get, but this is just what I have. I have moved to the point where I have no choice but to accept it. I start school again next week! I am so happy, especially since the first two hours are an easy, self-paced math class because I couldnt get my credit last semester. I got a new hairdryer too. Going to try it later. I just want to look good enough at school, especially since I have this rash now, so that I don't get as many questions. I won't get made fun of, but I still don't feel like explaining my life's story to everyone on the street. To complecate matters, I need to have the school administration approve my medication to be carried with me. If not, I will be demanding that they bring it to me, I can't make a special trip office to office to take my pills! It's not a narcotic. It's not a controlled substance (I understand why they won't let me take lyrica with me, it's a class IV controlled substance or something like that, but I'm off lyrica!) and kids take motrin with them everywhere all the time!

Teach or be Taught

I think I am beginning to come to terms with what my illness entails. 9 months of getting worse, sleeping on a couch because I can't do stairs, and I am learning what I can and can't do. What is good and what is bad.

Like many diseases before this, I think I'm finding something I may have. Churg-Strauss Syndrome. I'm still learning about it, but the most recent Mystery Diagnosis made me aware of this illness. Rare, autoimmune, causes pain, not too specific of a test for it, sounds about perfect. Clearly by now,it is not common. It causes pain. It seems autoimmune. I've had every test known to man.

Anyway, got a letter from Rochester College in New York, and now, I think it is a first choice college. I'm just applying for every scholarship known to man, and several colleges. If I end up getting college down in price, straight to a 4 year college it is. If not, 2 years community college, then a transfer. I still want to become a doctor. Help people like me not have to go through this. Some aren't finding that out now, but the way I see it, if I make it through teaching myself a semester of two AP classes, I can go to college being taught this stuff by a proffessor. It will be easier to be taught stuff then to teach myself stuff.

I am getting closer. I am going as fast as possible on my biology, and am reading lots of books for English. Government will happen, not as fast as my other stuff though.

2 weeks till I go back part time. I can't wait! I'm even going to try to go to Snowcoming in February.

New year, yay.

Well, 2011 started today and honestly, I wasn't as excited as I usually am. I am always super excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it just wasn't the same. I liked the stuff I got, it just didn't excite me. I dread seeing some family because they really like trying to tell me what I need to do. There is a difference between stating an opinion, and being annoying. This is public, so I really don't want to rant here, but it still drives me insane. Another party Saturday, which I'm really dreading.

Haircut!

Went and got hair chopped off today. Can't do the long hair and school! Totally exhausted and my left leg has decided to feel like it's exploding. Joy. Watching Lockup. So exhausted. Cant sleep!